I’ve been making Youtube videos for a while now. I don’t have many subscribers and I don’t have many followers on Facebook or Instagram. But my son and I have enjoyed making the videos and sharing some of our ideas here and there.
At first I was very nervous about making them. Giving up our privacy, opening up a small part of our life for the world to judge and critique. I have done my best to keep our privacy and hopefully inspire others in their homeschooling or homemaking journeys. And honestly, you have to be a bit more popular to have critics. 🙂
First, just JV was in them. Then just my hands and then I just thought “the H E Double Hockey Sticks with it”
I have gained weight and although still SOOO CUTE 😉 ;not as cute as I use to be 
. I am surprised at how old my hands look. How much weight I’ve gained. How my skin takes an extra second (or two) to bounce back. The extra chin and skin.
But sometimes in the right lighting, I see her. NO NOT MY YOUNGER SELF. (“Come on, Man” I am way beyond all that sentimental crap…well kinda :0 .)
My MOM, I see my Mom, I see her in my movements, my old hands, my double chin (and ALL that HAIR, that I have to clean out of my vacuum every week). It’s been 19 years and she will be forever young in my memories. I am now older than she was in my last memory of her and due to the circumstances I have altered it to see her beauty and not her tragedy.
When I see my mother in myself and I recall my last moments with her, I know my memory is altered and if I really think about it I can see the tragedy, but who wants to remember your lost loved ones in that light. Not me.
I have come to realize that I can worry about how I look and forget what is really important. It is not how you look that matters, it is how you make others feel that counts. No matter your weight, your cuteness, your style or lack there of; when you are long gone the memories of you will be altered to reflect how you made those you love and those you serve feel in your presence.
I fall short too often. But I hope that the memories I leave behind will be as precious to those I love as mine are of my own mother.
